Finally, I’ve finished reading “The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt”

I’ve finished reading “The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt” by Robert I. Sutton, I recommend this book to all the people who have to deal with assholes every day, Certified® or Temporary, as Sutton called them in his book.

Sutton defines various forms or methods for dealing with this kind of people, at work or in your personal life, of course, when you find them at your work place things might get complicated.

The book is full of anecdotes, real cases and wisdom provided by the asshole’s victims.

The first thing is to identify what kind of asshole you’ve bump with. Sutton defines them as Certified® (it’s in their genes) and Temporary (which, for some reason, the asshole stage comes and goes depending on the circumstances).

Once you know how to identify them, trace your strategy in order to make your life more tolerable. Sutton suggests many ways to get protected against the kind of people who for some reason enjoy hurting others, consciously or unconsciously, making them feel worthless.

Sutton carried out an investigation in hundreds of companies, including some of the most important in the world, in addition, he received an innumerable amount of emails from people who told their harrowing experiences, even sharing how they handled each case.

“Ten lies that people say to themselves,” the book details the pros and cons of each one.

1. To deny it: “Say to yourself, is not that bad.”

2. The imaginary improvement: “Surely this will improve”.

3. False Hope: “thing will get better soon”.

4. The tomorrow that never comes: “I will leave all this for something better as soon as I finish what I’m doing.”

5. It hurts so good: “I am learning so much and doing so many contacts, that is worth being abused”

6. The savior complex: “I’m the only one who can make things better, no one can replace me.”

7. I am not a wimp: “Of course this is bad, but I’m strong, nothing affects me”.

8. I can turn on and off: “Of course this is bad, but I can separate or compartmentalize things, this does not affect me or my family.”

9. Of course, this is bad for me, but others are worse, I have nothing to complain about.”

10. The grass is browner somewhere else: “Here’s bad, but somewhere else could be even worse.”

The book refers not only to bosses, also to colleagues, “trolls”, stalkers and other characters who enjoy making your life unsustainable. In addition, it gives some clues on how to foresee assholes.

In one of the paragraphs of the book you can read: “What you do versus how you will do it,” here refers to the strategy and how you’ll confront the situation, he quoted an engineer who used the “Kamikaze” method, the engineer said: “shove this job up your #@*”.

Sutton appoints multitude of real cases, a CEO who calls his employees: “Filipino pigs”, an attempt of strangulation of an employee, WOW, some courts have seen a lot!

Let’s talk about “techniques to overcome the assholes”, or at least to reduce your exposure to them”.

· Keep your distance, this technique also applies to the place where you sit, in public or even in a meeting. There’s a case of an engineer who kept his job at Apple during fifteen hard years just by avoiding Steve Jobs.

· It’s clear that sometimes you can’t avoid interaction, but you can try to limit the amount of time of exposure, be very busy, at least you’ll be in exposure’s control.

· As well as “trolls”, assholes bloom when we give them the chance. They’re like a spoiled child, assholes are proportional to the attention they received.

· Camouflage, be there, but, don’t be there, unnoticed, low profile, as if you don’t exist.

· Human Shields, it’s clear that the good bosses will interposed between you and the bullet, so, if you can, lean on one that can take the bullet for you.

· Safe areas, sometimes there’re special places where you can feel safe. In this particular case, Sutton talks about how nurses in a hospital found protection in a room reserved for them.

Most importantly, you can mix or create your own techniques and get the one that suits best each case.

The book goes on and on, getting you hooked with a multitude of anecdotes and how the victims sought the most creative ways to mitigate or minimize the damage caused by the assholes.

I would like to end this post with some of the ways Sutton suggests to mitigate the poison.

· You are not alone.

· It’s not your fault.

· Put yourself above, don’t get in the mud.

· Sympathy for the devil (I would say, in the case of temporary assholes), sometimes we can have a bad day.

· Take it with humor, emphasize the funny side.

· Look back from the future.

· Disconnect emotionally.

Sutton mentioned something interesting about Netflix’s culture, “No Assholes, No Bozos”.

One last personal comment to avoid assholes and toxic work environments, focus on the hiring stage, first hire colleagues, then their skills, and don’t stop helping them to be better every day. Hiring is key, Netflix and many other companies make it clear.

I highly recommend this book, you can buy it at Amazon “The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt” by Robert I. Sutton.

If you want to know more about Sutton, Wikipedia.

Francisco Cobos

🐢 “Poc a Poc” (Little by Little)